[RE]

How do we know which websites to trust?

That's EZ.  Trust no one.

Well that certainly is the absolutist answer that puts a stake through the entire point K-Dog was trying to make.He was saying more people should do it like he does....with the presumption being he is different. But you've just ruled out trusting him as well, for exactly the reasons I stated.

If you only know a person through the web, you can't trust them.  It's like with online dating.  You can meet a person online and begin to get to know them, but if you're wise you wouldn't agree to marry the person just based on that.  You would have to take the next step and meet in person and spend time together before you take that step.  I'd have to spend at least a couple of months of being with the person before I took that step.

For a good friendship, somewhat less.  Kdog and I have spent quite a bit of time together in visits plus our camping  expedition during the solar eclipse, so I have good trust with him as a close friend, but not enough to marry him. lol..

Even with the video nowadays, the web is very two dimensional.  If most of your interaction is text based, it's even less.  A lot of information is conveyed non-verbally when you are with a pescon in body language, facial expressions and voice modulation.  Even smell comes into play with pheromones.  There's no substitute for IRL interactions to develop a full relationship of trust.

RE

[TDoS]

If you only know a person through the web, you can't trust them.

Yes...quite a bit different from IRL.

Fairbanks man found guilty of murdering longtime wife-30 years of IRL
https://www.webcenterfairbanks.com/2024/11/28/fairbanks-man-found-guilty-murdering-longtime-wife/

It's like with online dating.  You can meet a person online and begin to get to know them, but if you're wise you wouldn't agree to marry the person just based on that.  You would have to take the next step and meet in person and spend time together before you take that step.  I'd have to spend at least a couple of months of being with the person before I took that step.

Quite reasonable. So...after getting to know your wife IRL, sniff testing her before the advent of the interenet even, it led to a long and meaningful relationship that exists to this very day? Or was it somewhat....less...?

For a good friendship, somewhat less.  Kdog and I have spent quite a bit of time together in visits plus our camping  expedition during the solar eclipse, so I have good trust with him as a close friend, but not enough to marry him. lol..

Again reasonable. Not sure of the value of "close friend" considering he didn't even make it as far as someone you did marry though. And how did that judgement go through time? Still do letters, birthday cards, Xmas packages? She must at least send along occasional care packages to the facility?

Even with the video nowadays, the web is very two dimensional.  If most of your interaction is text based, it's even less.  A lot of information is conveyed non-verbally when you are with a pescon in body language, facial expressions and voice modulation.  Even smell comes into play with pheromones.  There's no substitute for IRL interactions to develop a full relationship of trust.
RE

Indeed. Yet for some, even your theory doesn't work. Such is the way with theories I suppose.

[RE]

Roughly 40% of 1st marriages end in divorce, so regardless how you meet and get to know your spouse prior to the wedding, there's a pretty good chance it won't last.  Stats are even worse for 2nd & 3rd marriages, 60% & 73% respectively.  Once was enough for me, I didn't enjoy being married at all.  Sticking to just 1 sex partner was a real problem for both of us.  Also it's hard enough for me just to keep myself happy, trying to keep the wife happy also was way too much work.  I couldn't find enough positive outcomes from being married to outweigh the negative ones, so I concluded I wasn't cut out for marriage.  Got out fairly quickly and painlessly and never made the mistake again.

RE

[TDoS]

Roughly 40% of 1st marriages end in divorce, so regardless how you meet and get to know your spouse prior to the wedding, there's a pretty good chance it won't last.

A near majority qualifier on your more absolutist original statement if there ever was one. So much for sniff testing  IRL being the be all and end all of trust I guess.

Once was enough for me, I didn't enjoy being married at all.  Sticking to just 1 sex partner was a real problem for both of us.

So your interpretation of marriage started off as just a way to get action regularly, as opposed to a partner, thick and thin, till death due us part?

Also it's hard enough for me just to keep myself happy, trying to keep the wife happy also was way too much work.

Indeed. No one ever mentioned marriages were work when I was a kid, or of what type, before I got married. Well, maybe mom did. When she kicked me out of the house for doing it. She was right. The idea of someone being scared off by the work of a relationship is interesting, because it presumes that all things of value should be easy and fun and guilty free.

Probably comes down to how we were raised. You had a non-Illuminati mother, did she not instill some good ol' fashioned "show me state" fundamental precepts along the way, before all the hedonism, NYC cool kid high schools and Illuminati grooming came along to turn your ego into what it later became?

I couldn't find enough positive outcomes from being married to outweigh the negative ones, so I concluded I wasn't cut out for marriage.  Got out fairly quickly and painlessly and never made the mistake again.
RE

Well, if the quick and painless route is your primary goal in life, marriage can be a pain at times. I remember thinking about the "hedonism uber alles" thing once, watching the rich kids helicopter off the lawn in front of the main school building in high school, back to mansions and holidays in Aruba and that kind of stuff.

What is that quote, "we all end up where we were meant to be"? Certainly seems to have worked out for both of us.

[RE]

Roughly 40% of 1st marriages end in divorce, so regardless how you meet and get to know your spouse prior to the wedding, there's a pretty good chance it won't last.

A near majority qualifier on your more absolutist original statement if there ever was one. So much for sniff testing  IRL being the be all and end all of trust I guess.

Never said it was the end all and be all.  Only that it's a minimum requirement.  A necessary but not sufficient condition.

So your interpretation of marriage started off as just a way to get action regularly, as opposed to a partner, thick and thin, till death due us part?

My ex was the one who wanted to marry.  I think she was just enamored of the IDEA of marriage, not the reality of it.  26 years old, wanted to get the wedding dress and parade down the aisle, etc.  I went along with it because that was the easiest thing to do.  We had been dating and living together for almost 3 years.  If I hadn't said yes, we probably would have broken up, which of course is what we did later.

I wouldn't blame just my mom, both my parents left me with a distaste for marriage.  They divorced when I was 10, a rather ugly divorce and very hard on me.  Went instantly from upper middle class which in Brasil got you maids and a cook and driver from the favelas to lower middle class child of a working mom in the FSoA with just a HS education who was a clerical worker after the divorce.  Before she was just a housewife for 20 years.  Very tough  on her.

Anyhow, my goals in life had little to do with why marriage wasn't a good fit.  After numerous relationships with women generally lasting anywhere from about 6 months to 2 years, I found the same things to be true with all of them.  Mainly that after a certain point in the relationship they felt like they could tell me how to behave and what to do. lol.  When I didn't change my behavior to suit them, arguments ensued followed by breakup.  Then over time I lost the motivation to even start a relationship, the sex wasn't worth the misery I knew would eventually come with it.  So around the time I moved to the Last Great Frontier I quit dating entirely.  It was very liberating.

Some people are cut out for marriage, others are not.  As I got older after 30 or so, most of the people I knew were married.  None of them seemed particularly happy.  By my 40s some were divorced, some still married because divorcing was too expensive and selling the house would be necessary etc etc.  So I definitely didn't envy them.  A couple of guys I know have lived in bad marriages for years, that is hell on earth, the worst outcome I think.

If I could remake society, I wouldn't have lifetime marriages.  I'd raise all the kids communally, Kibbutz style.  People who are good with kids would raise them, that would be their job.  Then people could stay together as long as they were happy, break up if not.  No jointly held property.  No divorce lawyers! 

RE

[monsta666]

If I could remake society, I wouldn't have lifetime marriages.  I'd raise all the kids communally, Kibbutz style.  People who are good with kids would raise them, that would be their job.  Then people could stay together as long as they were happy, break up if not.  No jointly held property.  No divorce lawyers! 

I do know Shia Muslims allow for temporary marriages i.e. a marriage with an expiry date. Unsurprisingly it is a controversial practice but is technically allowed. The biggest criticism made against it is the expiry date could be set so soon that it was seen as a means to legitimize prostitution under the guise of marriage. Then again cynics would say that is no different to the permanent marriages lol.

To be honest I remain single and I don't really have a great desire to partner up. I feel, and this is only a personal feeling, but most women are more trouble than they are worth. You can find happiness without a partner and I don't buy the social narrative that you are not "complete" unless you find a significant other.

Life is what you make it out to be and the ability to lead a fulfilling life largely depends on your mindset and really understanding yourself and your personal desires/ambitions. If you can understand yourself and pursue the things you find important whilst maintaining some sort of social network you can prosper. There is no need for partners although if that is what you desire then go for it. Just be honest on what you want. Don't marry to impress people, conform to social pressure or do it for status. All those reasons are external validations, the desire needs to come from within.

[TDoS]

To be honest I remain single and I don't really have a great desire to partner up. I feel, and this is only a personal feeling, but most women are more trouble than they are worth.

Sounds completely true to me. Which makes the entire exercise of going beyond just collecting a good time girl that much more important. I like the word partner.

Life is what you make it out to be and the ability to lead a fulfilling life largely depends on your mindset and really understanding yourself and your personal desires/ambitions. If you can understand yourself and pursue the things you find important whilst maintaining some sort of social network you can prosper. There is no need for partners although if that is what you desire then go for it. Just be honest on what you want. Don't marry to impress people, conform to social pressure or do it for status. All those reasons are external validations, the desire needs to come from within.

Who would ever confuse marriage with trying to impress people, conform or collect status? Sounds almost like a weak mind falling for whatever they've been spoon fed online or by their parents of friend or whatever.

"Yes, I'd like to wreck my life for as long as I stay married in order to impress mom/dad/Facebook crowd because impressing people is the most important! Oh yeah, and lets have some kids to make it better and turn them into little maladjusted shits because I just want them for the Christmas photos each year I send out to family!".

Yeech, the whole idea people are so easily manipulated by trying to impress others makes me cringe.

[K-Dog]

To be honest I remain single and I don't really have a great desire to partner up. I feel, and this is only a personal feeling, but most women are more trouble than they are worth.

Sounds completely true to me. Which makes the entire exercise of going beyond just collecting a good time girl that much more important. I like the word partner.

Life is what you make it out to be and the ability to lead a fulfilling life largely depends on your mindset and really understanding yourself and your personal desires/ambitions. If you can understand yourself and pursue the things you find important whilst maintaining some sort of social network you can prosper. There is no need for partners although if that is what you desire then go for it. Just be honest on what you want. Don't marry to impress people, conform to social pressure or do it for status. All those reasons are external validations, the desire needs to come from within.

Who would ever confuse marriage with trying to impress people, conform or collect status? Sounds almost like a weak mind falling for whatever they've been spoon fed online or by their parents of friend or whatever.

"Yes, I'd like to wreck my life for as long as I stay married in order to impress mom/dad/Facebook crowd because impressing people is the most important! Oh yeah, and lets have some kids to make it better and turn them into little maladjusted shits because I just want them for the Christmas photos each year I send out to family!".

Yeech, the whole idea people are so easily manipulated by trying to impress others makes me cringe.

This post was made by TDOS but for some strange reason no doubt related to database issues his comment does not show up.  By quoting it I made it show.

[TDoS]

To be honest I remain single and I don't really have a great desire to partner up. I feel, and this is only a personal feeling, but most women are more trouble than they are worth.

Sounds completely true to me. Which makes the entire exercise of going beyond just collecting a good time girl that much more important. I like the word partner.

Life is what you make it out to be and the ability to lead a fulfilling life largely depends on your mindset and really understanding yourself and your personal desires/ambitions. If you can understand yourself and pursue the things you find important whilst maintaining some sort of social network you can prosper. There is no need for partners although if that is what you desire then go for it. Just be honest on what you want. Don't marry to impress people, conform to social pressure or do it for status. All those reasons are external validations, the desire needs to come from within.

Who would ever confuse marriage with trying to impress people, conform or collect status? Sounds almost like a weak mind falling for whatever they've been spoon fed online or by their parents of friend or whatever.

"Yes, I'd like to wreck my life for as long as I stay married in order to impress mom/dad/Facebook crowd because impressing people is the most important! Oh yeah, and lets have some kids to make it better and turn them into little maladjusted shits because I just want them for the Christmas photos each year I send out to family!".

Yeech, the whole idea people are so easily manipulated by trying to impress others makes me cringe.

This post was made by TDOS but for some strange reason no doubt related to database issues his comment does not show up.  By quoting it I made it show.

I certainly wrote it. Why would the MIB decide they didn't like this one?

[RE]

I certainly wrote it. Why would the MIB decide they didn't like this one?

Probably not the MIB, more like a glitch in the SQL.  The tables appear to be somewhat messed up.

RE

[RE]

Who would ever confuse marriage with trying to impress people, conform or collect status? Sounds almost like a weak mind falling for whatever they've been spoon fed online or by their parents of friend or whatever.

Rich guys do it all the time.  They're called "Trophy Wives" for a reason.  They go with the Super Yacht and Private Jet as symbols of your success and power.

RE

[K-Dog]

I certainly wrote it. Why would the MIB decide they didn't like this one?

Probably not the MIB, more like a glitch in the SQL.  The tables appear to be somewhat messed up.

RE

Exactly right.

[monsta666]

Who would ever confuse marriage with trying to impress people, conform or collect status? Sounds almost like a weak mind falling for whatever they've been spoon fed online or by their parents of friend or whatever.

There are many cultures where family will exert significant pressure on their kids to get married. In order not to disappoint their parents and family some people will yield to such social pressure and marry out of some sense of obligation. Marrying under those circumstances has a significant chance of becoming an unhappy marriage. What's worse, it is often these same cultures that divorce is frowned upon meaning that there are lots of people stuck in unhappy marriages. On paper these marriages may seem "successful" because they didn't divorce but dig beneath the surface and often reality will paint a different picture.

These type of pressures existed way before the advent of social media so it wouldn't be fair to blame it on that although I would agree social media does contribute to this social pressure. Also worth bearing in mind that until recently there was social stigma about remaining single which was bad enough that it could effect your job prospects.

It still exists today because think, how would people react to a US president who was a single? Do you think their marriage status (or lack thereof) impact their presidential campaign? People look more favorably to married men or woman and for the highest ranking jobs it can still make a difference. At the end of the day marriage and by extension kids is a marker of success in society. People want to appear successful in the eyes of others so the desire to marry is partly motivated to gaining social status.

[RE]

It still exists today because think, how would people react to a US president who was a single? Do you think their marriage status (or lack thereof) impact their presidential campaign? People look more favorably to married men or woman and for the highest ranking jobs it can still make a difference. At the end of the day marriage and by extension kids is a marker of success in society. People want to appear successful in the eyes of others so the desire to marry is partly motivated to gaining social status.

There also can be pressure from the job to have the right "type" of wife to climb the corporate laddder.  This came into play in my parent's divorce, where my mom did not fit in with the other wives of bankers and State dept and military personnel and never learned to speak Portuguese very well.  She was an embarassment for my father at the parties and the country club.  We left Brazil a year before him while they worked out the divorce.  Meanwhile, he married a Brazilian woan right after the divorce finalized.  You get the picture.

RE

[TDoS]

I certainly wrote it. Why would the MIB decide they didn't like this one?

Probably not the MIB, more like a glitch in the SQL.  The tables appear to be somewhat messed up.

RE

Exactly right.

Has anyone noticed that headers and text and topics in most of the forums are gone?